It strikes me that the ups and downs of joy and sorrow will be experienced by loved ones as they both grieve and celebrate people and relationships.
People often say I'm good at caring for others but lately I've questioned that. At my minister's suggestion I started writing a study on how to care for others several years ago but I never finished it because I am unsure whether it can be that prescriptive because it has to come from within. How do you express something that comes naturally to you to someone else who says they are not good at caring for others?
Romans 12:15 says 'Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.' But how does one do this?
How do you show care without being trite but not too over the top?
How do you show care to someone when you are not sure if they want to be reminded of a passing?
Perhaps the question is - how does one discern how to care in such situations? I don't believe caring is prescriptive and varies in each circumstance but I do believe there are integral elements.
Gordon T Smith writes in his book on 'Spiritual Discernment' (Chapter 10) the following:
'As a friend, we have the opportunity to be the presence and voice of Jesus to others, enabling them to know they are loved, because we demonstrate it and free them to experience the inner assurance of God's love....'
'....we cannot discern well unless we come to terms with what is happening to us emotionally, one of our gifts to each other is to establish an environment in which it is safe to speak of what is happening in our own hearts.'
In light of what I've experienced over the years and what I've learnt since my time at Regent Bible College last May, I think some key things that enable one to care are:
1. To know God and His love for us. To be attentive to his His presence and His Spirit in our hearts.
2. To know ourselves, really know ourselves in mind and heart - strengths and weaknesses. In honesty. I believe you need to be open to yourself before others can be open with you and to understand others.
3. Encourage our friends to be attentive to the presence of God in their lives and the Spirit in their hearts, whether in joy or sorrow.
4. Create a safe environment and trusting relationship free from judgment and pretense.
Further to point 3 - I'm thinking how do we 'free them to experience the inner assurance of God's love...'
At the moment I wander for myself how do I free myself to experience the inner assurance of God's love??
I believe it's by helping to remove the boundaries or obstacles or things that we hold onto that hold us back. We can help reveal those barriers but only the person can clearly define them and let them go.
Listening to people's outpouring of thoughts and feelings and sometimes silence has been key in caring for others. But the challenge for me is to be in the presence of the Almighty and listen more attentively to His Word and His Spirit. And consciously bring that into the times when I am present with each friend....whether I am with them physically or present in mind/heart.
Your thoughts?
